Friday, October 31, 2014

Vampire Poem Followed By A Vampire's Phone Call

A Vampire’s Halloween Checklist

The sun has finally set so you arise from your undead sleep,

It is time to pull your spooky look together, for tonight is TRICK-OR-TREAT………

First you’ll need shiny shoes, sharp attire (in black) and a cape,

Then you’ll need a bullet proof vest, to protect your chest from a stake………..

Check to make sure your fangs are sharp, this applies whether real or fake,

Brush them well, to keep them white and avoid a disastrous toothache……

Slick back your hair and apply cologne, pour it on and don’t lament,

It will drown out any pungent garlic cloves emitting their heady scent………

Don’t bring a mirror, for it doesn’t apply, you can’t even see your face,

You will need to blend into the crowd, so stay aloof and don‘t leave a trace………

When red veins start to bulge, throb and arise,

A squirt of Visine will go far to hide your MONSTROUS EYES….

It is never necessary to make your bed, for you sleep in an old wooden coffin,

You will get used to prowling on dark creepy nights, and the line ‘Good Evening’ you will say often…….

A spring in your step, you flap your long flowing cape, now done with your evening routine,

And by the light of the full autumn moon you take flight on the much awaited, O’ Halloween!

(Written by Kelly Horan)


Art Bell, " You're on the air,..hi."

Vampire, " Hello Arthur,... thank you very much for taking my  call."

Art, "Sure,.. thanks for making it. Where are you?"

Vampire, "Ah,... I am west of the Rockies."

(Art, lets out a low rumbling laugh.)

Vampire, " My name is Jonathan and I do not know how much time I have,... so if I hang up the phone please do not take it personally."
Art, " Okay I'll treat it that way,... none of us know how much time we have Jonathan."

Vampire, " Well,.. unfortunately,... I used to work for black government agencies..... "
Art , "Oh?"

Vampire, " I was recruited,... I was brought forward,.. 'Men in Black ' they approached me."

Art, "MIBs?"

Vampire, " Yes. Unfortunately at the moment, I did not think that they were trying to recruit me and I fled from them."

Art, " Jonathan, what kind of work were you doing for our government?"

Vampire, " It was very interesting work to say the least,.. my apprenticeship lasted for approximately 6 months. In my apprenticeship I was with a partner. After my apprenticeship I was working alone. We were doing 'wet work' .... but mostly it has to do with covering up the governments sins. The government cannot be wrong,... it will not be wrong,.... the government shall not be wrong."

Art, (Stuttering ) "If the government is in danger of being shown to be wrong,... then there is wet work."

Vampire, " There is wet work, there is also deals made with other countries, technology exchanged, there are a lot of things that are going on that the general populace does not know about,.. Nor will they probably ever."

Art, " Should they?"

Vampire, " Most interesting part of the story though,... Arthur,..."Art, (breaking into sentence) " Jonathan,.... Jonathan,... Should they know about it,... the American public,... things that are,.."

Vampire, " I believe they should."

Art, "Okay,...the most interesting part of your story,..."

Vampire, " When I was running from the 'Men in Black' I ran into another group of individuals who assisted me. Before I became an agent, I was made a child of Cane. Cain was of course the biblical slayer of his brother Abel. Cain was cursed by God to walk the earth forever and to repeat his sin, which was of blood,... Cain was the first vampire.

I was embraced by Cain and made into a vampire."

Art, ' You,.. are a vampire?"

Vampire, " Yes, and I inadvertently created a war."

Art, " You'd be the ideal candidate for wet work then."

Vampire, " Well,... Vampires are not the evil creatures that they are made out to be."
Art, " Well ,... that of course depends upon your perspective. Somebody with a bunch of big marks on their neck,.. minus 3 courts of blood, might not feel that way."

Vampire, " Well vampires only take a small amount from each person. We make it as swift and as painless as possible and we even erase the memory from the person, so that they are not traumatized."

Art, " Yes,.. but I've also heard that after two or three visits for continued withdraws (we'll put it that way) that the person involved,.. themselves,... becomes a vampire."

Vampire, "NO,... In order to become a vampire you must be brought to the point of death by your blood being drained from your body. You must then ingest the blood of a vampire."

Art, "Well,.. I know,.. but when you discussed wet work that you had done, exactly what did you mean if not that?"

Vampire, " Wet work done by black government agents is,..."

Art, "Killing."

Vampire, " Is,... the meanest the nastiest thing that you can possibly imagine."

Art, " On the other hand when a vampire does a little bit of wet work it's not so bad, huh?"

Vampire, " Mostly vampires, when they must do wet work, they must do it against other vampires. Unfortunately, when I left the black government agents (due to conflicts of interests) I inadvertently started a war between the vampire community and the black government agents."

Art, " Now that would be worth the price of admission."

Vampire, " Unfortunately, since neither group of individuals wish to be out in the open, very little is known about this and it is a tragedy, because my brothers and sisters are engaged in a war,... that quite possibly they will not win."

Art, " On the one side we have vampires and on the other side we have Men in Black."

Vampire, " Vampires have done a lot of good for this world Arthur, you have to know that."

Art, "Now look ,..I'm not here to 'dis' any vampires. I'm just simply considering the prospect here,.... you've got the 'men in black' you've got the vampires. The 'men in black' doing full wet work,.. the vampires doing partial wet work,.... who is winning?"

Vampire, " Well ,..right now it is not too good for the home team, I'll put it that way."

Art, " The vampires side."

Vampire, " Yes. Vampires will not create other vampires unless the person is willing. To be willing, the person has to know what it is to be a vampire."

Art, " In other words you have to actually volunteer to be a vampire? "

Vampire, " Yes,.. we will not create a vampire involuntarily, that would be a grave injustice to that person,... and a lot of people believe that you drive a wooden stake through vampires heart it will kill it,.... that sunlight burns a vampire,... ALL of these are nothing but myths and legends that have been passed down through the generations,...."

Art, " You mean if I were to drive a wooden stake through your heart,... you wouldn't die?"

Vampire,  " No,.. basically what would ,....."

Art, ' That would disturb me,... alot."

Vampire, " Basically what would happen,.... You will take a wooden stake,.. you will thrust it into my heart,... you will think it's over, you will relax,... (voice becoming dark and antagonized) and then you will be turned into dog meat by a vampire who has a pointy stick in his chest!"

Art, " Ah,..what about the old silver bullet thing? I had heard the silver bullets would take you out,... no?"

Vampire, " No. Crosses, crucifix, garlic,....."

Art, " Oh yeah,...... garlic!"

Vampire," No."

Art, " No?"

Vampire, " No, granted a vampire can die, if enough damage is done to the body."

Art, " How,.... I mean what has to be done? Or is this information that you don't want public?"

Vampire, " Oh,... It can be made public.'

Art, " Okay let's hear it."

Vampire, "If a vampire loses enough blood, then that vampire will die,... if the vampire cannot feed and heal himself. Basically what happens is,.. it is a loss of viruses infected into the vampire upon creation. The virus basically alters the vampires DNA therefore affecting the genetic codes for aging, for healing, and also for an altered body form.
It also alters other DNA sequences however, they are random and we do not exactly know what they are for.
However, the virus actually keeps the vampire alive. If enough of the blood is lost, it therefore,... the virus is missing from the body, the vampire will die."

Art, " The vampire will die."

Vampire, " A vampire can be brought back, it is a very exhausting process."

Art, " The whole things sounds exhausting. Listen,... We're running out of time,..."

Vampire, " Unfortunately it looks like my time is currently over with now too, Arthur,... thank you very much."

Art, "You're welcome."


Yarns of the undead go all the way back into antiquity. People

pile into the movie theaters to see the latest bloodsucking thriller

never dreaming that these tales of the parasitical undead, go all

the way back to Egyptian times.

By the light of day, or while sipping on Cokes at the mall, it is

simply impossible to imagine that such a creature could be real or

that any such story could be true.

Bring it up (the stories of vampires) to any person who considers

themselves to be of sound mind, and they will simply laugh out loud.

I give you the story of Sarah Ellen Roberts.

It was June 8, 1993 with moments to go before the strike of

midnight and gathered about were not just hundreds but well

over 1,000 people. They had come to a cemetery in Pisco, Peru to

witness the resurrection of a vampire.

Officials and historians learned that Mrs. Roberts body had been

brought from Blackburn, England by her husband John Roberts 

in the year , 1913.

John Roberts was refused permission to allow his wife to be buried

inside of England, as many people deeply believed her to be a


An expensive lead lined coffin was reluctantly purchased for

John's wife and so began the long journey of finding a burial

place. For the sum of 5 pounds Pisco, Peru agreed for Sarah to be

buried upon their grounds.

A brief ceremony was held, then John quickly boarded a ship and

was never seen by the people of the territory again.

Tales of the strange foreigner buried on their land slowly reached

the people of Pisco, where they learned that Sarah ( whose home

country was England ) had been found guilty of witchcraft and vampirism. They also heard that Sarah proclaimed loudly to the public (while in her homeland)... that she would absolutely return from her grave.
Flash forward 80 years later, where citizens who were visiting the

cemetery, noticed a split in the gravestone that sat upon Sarah's


Word spread quickly and nervous townsfolk piled into the area

surrounding the sinister stone. Many people actually left town including women who were pregnant, as fear ran high of their unborn children being born as vampires.

Blessed crucifixes and swags of garlic were nailed upon the exterior of house doors.

Nearly every home in the area was protected with holy and sacred objects.

The police had to be called in as midnight drew closer and the

emotions of the townsfolk became stressed. Bullets were fired into

the air to get the attention of the masses and remove them from

Sarah's grave site. 

A few brave souls were allowed by the police to stay, as they

promised to continuously splashed the headstone with blessed holy water and sprinkled the ground with white rose petals.

Success was declared the following day, when Sarah did not arise.

Now we move onto the Metropolis of London,... The year was 1922.
A black creature with a wing span of at least 6 feet was seen flying in the moonlit sky of the West Drayton church area

People watched as the being dove in and out of the churchyard and some say they were shocked to see it land and meandered around the tombes.

The police were immediately contacted where they proceeded to

give chase. The creature ran about, then took to flight, all the

while making inhuman sounds.

Talk in the region was great and an elderly resident claimed that

decades before, he had actually seen the spirit of a vampire

(which had taken on the image of a great bat). He claimed the creature  had murdered a woman in Harmondsworth, by draining all of her blood.

No one believed him.

On April 16, 1922, it was early in the a.m., when an office clerk

was treading upon Coventry Street, on his way to work. In the report that he later gave to the hospital he stated, he was grabbed strongly and suddenly by something he could not see, but felt,... as he was bitten in the neck, felt the warm blood cascading down,... then proceeded to lose consciousness. 

It was in Charing Cross Hospital that the clerk awoke and insisted to surgeons it was not a person who did the heinous act act to him, for if it was a person,... they would've clearly been seen.

A little more than two hours later a second patient was admitted to the same exact hospital, clothing wet with his own blood as it ran out of wounds upon his neck.

The patient loudly proclaimed he had been attacked by an invisible being while walking down Coventry Street!

Later in the evening on April 16th, a third victim was brought into

Charing Cross Hospital! The doctors listened in disbelief to police, who said the unconscious patient appeared to have been stabbed in the exact same spot upon the neck, as the previous two patients that same day.
A police investigation was opened. 

Folks in the area heard the bloody details of the numerous victims and a great cry of 'vampire' poured from the region.

A newspaper known as the 'Daily Express' reported on the eeriness

of the crimes. The police admitted that they were unable to

explain the grisly attacks. The police were also asked if the assailant could be a vampire, and the response given was...'that's all.'

Much talk went out about the Covengtry Street vampire. A rumor started in Covent Garden were a policeman spoke to his landlord about taking part in a massive vampire hunt. The officer claimed that the hunt stretched across the entirety of the city and included a professional monster hunter who had been chosen for just such a job. 

The lawman went on to say that the vampire was taken down by a

stake through the heart and was quickly buried,... deep in the

ground, inside of a vault, at Highgate Cemetery.

48 years later the area in and around the Highgate Cemetery, a load vampire activity starts up once again.

 A bit of history,.....
London Cemetery Company purchased 17 acres of land in Northern London and founded Highgate Cemetery. The year was 1836.
The beauty of this cemetery is described as park like and serene. A place where people would enjoy strolling the grounds and remembering their dearly departed.

The magnificent gardens demanded talented laborers who were hard to come by by World War I. Sales of burial plots lagged as cremation became the popular alternative. The result being a neglected burial setting that was rapidly becoming ominous and overrun with weeds.

The neglect attracted vandals.

Headstones became defaced as ruiners ran rampant. Then in

December 1969, voodoo symbols were scrawled upon many

gravestones and reports of chanting were heard coming out of the

cemetery. It is believed that those who follow the dark side were attempting to resurrect the corpses!

Then came the night that the occultists were seen fleeing for their

lives. The claim was of an 8 foot tall being who was dressed in pitch black and was witnessed crawling from the tomb which led to the catacombs.

While running to find sanctuary along Swains Lane one of the

occultists turned around to look back at his pursuer and claims

the beings skeleton like arms were reaching out, trying to grab him!

Now known as the Highgate vampire, he is next seen in January of

1970. A gentleman was driving down Swains Lane, when his car

started to act very strangely. He immediately pulls the car over

into a parking spot located near the spooky cemetery. While

walking around to reach the front of his car and pull the hood

open, he spies an extremely tall creature (over 8 feet) standing

inside of the cemetery, dressed in  all black clothing. The motorist stares at the creature who staring right back at him in a haunting and unwavering glare.

Unnerved by the strangeness of the event the motorists ran away

without ever taking the time to close the hood of his car!

As the weeks turned to months talk of vampires begins to bubble

among the populace once again. A vampire hunt was formally organized for Friday, March 13, 1970 by an Essex schoolteacher, whose name was Alan Blood.

There were television interviews on the subject and a front-page story was run on the 'Evening News.'The schoolteacher is reported to have said that he believed the Highgate vampire was driven from his tomb, by the many people who kept vigils in the areas of his activity. Alan continued to talk about his plan which included waiting until dawn when the vampire would be returning to his den, then using a wooden stake he would drive it through the undead beings heart.

On Friday the 13th the day of the vampire hunt, a massive

amount of citizens show up to watch and assist. Bringing with

them every sort of vampire weapon, the people settled in and waited for the creatures return.

The hours pass and the sun slowly rose in the sky. The warm rays 

shine their light upon the ponderous amount of damage the jittery

crowd had caused to the cemetery.

It seems the Highgate vampire escaped his fate.

The emotions of the citizens are still on alert come September of 1970, as are the police, who are keeping a steady watch on the cemetery and it's activity. 

That is when a man by the name of David Farrant, was apprehended while carrying a wooden stake and crucifix , as he was seen entering Highgate Cemetery.

David Told the magistrate that he was indeed a Vampire Hunter and, " The Highgate vampire has to be destroyed,.. He is evil."

When questioned further by reporters David admitted to seeing the

vampire on numerous occasions and believed he slept in the catacombs beneath Highgate Cemetery.

All of the people who have seen the infamous vampire seem to be

describing the same figure, right down to his icy cold stare.

Are all of these experiences, descriptions and hospitalized injuries just a coincidence?

If you wish to see the Highgate Cemetery,.. the eastern side is open to the public, however the western side is only open for guided tour's.

This is the actual vampire phone call, recorded on video. Notice the voice of the vampire and compare it to the voice in the Nicolas Cage interview below.
Amazing similarities. Video is about 8 min. long.
Make sure to watch it before it's gone!

In this video Nicolas Cage responds to Internet rumors of vampirism, and keeps us all guessing. In this brief clip you will see a photo from the 1800s that is eerily akin to Nicholas's facial features. The video is only 1.25 minutes long. Once again watch it before it's gone and take note of the voice!


Now,.. go out and win a costume contest!